We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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