people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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