My nipple is on Facebook.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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