Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
