I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
