"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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