Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
