So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
