I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
