Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
