They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
