..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
