once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
