i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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