just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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