sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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