Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
