Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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