the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
