Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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