What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
