btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
