my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
