I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
