Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
