she woke up with a sticky ear
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
