Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Randomize
