The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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