I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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