so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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