you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
