I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
