Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
