I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
