Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
