Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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