Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
