Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We talked him into tasing himself.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
