now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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