I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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