theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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