My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
