I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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