I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love having hate sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
