You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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