Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
