There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
