I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
