I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
