i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
please come you make the beer taste better
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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